Tip Dude isn’t Jewish, but that hasn’t stopped him from going to the Latke-Hamantaschen Debates whenever there is one nearby. Having been to a few of these, he has picked up some tips on how to win:

• Dress Appropriately - If you’re going to The Debate, dress the part. Hamantaschens are triangular and jelly-filled. A variety of fillings are possible, so eat plenty of fruit preserves beforehand. And make cure to make a triangular-shaped hole in your clothes so the audience can see the jelly filling. If you’re rooting for Latke, remember to drench yourself in grease.
• The Loudest Wins - Broadcast yourself loudly when debating. Sometimes, the loudest wins.
• Charm Them - Charm is very important in debates. If you can’t yell really loudly, then you should sweet talk your audience into voting for you. Smile, flutter your eyelids and otherwise act really sweet and charming. If you don’t know how to be charming, take a class at Charm School.
• If You Can’t Win Them With Your Charm, Baffle Them With BS - This strategy usually works for a non-technical audience. Sometimes, no matter how charming you are, the audience just isn’t reacting. Usually, you need to plot a few data points and join the line to form a graphs. Wave your hand and talk about “mull hypothesis.” Talk some technobabble like “ultra high energy multiplexing transceiver device.” They’ll usually be convinced.
• Cite Some Famous People - Yes, that’s the number one rule in advertising - product endorsements! Claim that Einstein and Edison both liked Latke. Claim that e.e. cummings and Thoreau both preferred Hamantaschen. Use Google to find some quotes. I am sure it is not hard to find Einstein and Latke in the same sentence.
• Invoke A Powerful Cause - Usually, it is useful to tie the debate into some irrelevant but powerful special interest group. For example, the women’s rights movement. If you claimed that making Latke was a dangerous thing for a woman to do, because it involves the deep fryer and hot grease, then most of the audience would sympathize with the woman and therefore the Hamantaschen cause.
• Invoke Religion And Faith - Tell your audience to have faith in the Latke, and claim that its slightly off-round shape is God’s decree.
• Detract the Audience From the Subject - If you’re not doing well in the debate, remember to distract the audience. Suitable tools to distract the audience includes: laser pointers, live rats, fart machines and TV-B-Gone.
• Have a Scandal Ready - Make some outrageous claim, like the mayor is having an affair, or that CNN has shot down the moon. Even better, have celebrity gossip ready. Be ready to discuss the scandal in great detail. Claim to be a eyewitness. Talk at length about the scandal. Then somehow associate the scandal with the opposite team.
• If All Else Fails, Purchase Votes - Promise that if won, everyone in the audience will get free Hamantaschen, courtesy of an economic stimulus package!

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